Thursday, August 24, 2006 22:26
i feel like i would like to be somewhere else doing sonething that matters. And i'll admit here while i sit here my mind wastes away and doubts start to gather. whass the purpose? it feels worthless. so unwanted like i lost all my value. i can't find it , not in the least bit. and im just scared, so scared that i'll fail you.
and sometimes i think tt im not any good at all. and sometimes i wonder why, why im even here at all. but then you assure me
i'm a little more than useless. and when i think tt i can't do this, YOu promise me that i'll get thru this, And do something right, do dth right for once.
so if i say i csan't do domething significant I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted. And nthtrivial, That life could give me will, Measure up to what might have replaced it. Too late look. My date book. is packed full of days that were empty and now gone. and i bet that regret will prove to get me to improve in the long run.
i'm a little mor etan useless , and when i think that i cant get through this. you promise me tt i'll get through this and do sth right ... do sth right for once... yeadsjvksdv . im a lil more than useless, and i never knew i knew thiswas gonna be the day gonna be the day tt i would do sth right.. do dth right for once! :)
i noticed i know this week is a symbol of how i use my time. Resent it. i spent it. convincing myself that the world's doing just fine. without me. doing anything of any consequence. without me. showing any sign of ever making any sense. of my time, it's my life. ANd my right.. to use it like i should. like he would FOr the good. Of everything that i would ever know.............
relient K
left;
22:26
22:26
helo there.
oo i think i just realised tt my prelims are very very near. is it too late? hahha sigh
biotest yesterday (is it?) i totally din study. promised myself to at the very least read thru. but still i didnt. am i too complacent?seriously i really do hope i'll fail my biotest. foronce. for once and i think i will wake up. the previous test, same mindset. to do badly delibrately and then go all out on the next on (which is the last one i had). but haha. i got 35/50. tho is was my lowest these past 2 years. i was actually one of the top in class for that test. [not braggin or anything kay? ] :) so anyways mixed feelings. glad that i did well compared to everyone. . . confused why i still got 35. . . upset that i let myself pass.. should have let myself fail and then perhaps i'd wake up. whattodo . . .
wow amazing how melissa can write so much just on biotests. :) first time i am writing in paragraphs, in sentences. in full.
but people. . . ain't it a bit hard to read?
k so tomorrow there'll be a chalet. iylia's. will be going. seriously tell myself.. "melissa, last one okay?" after this no more. hopefooly i'll [quoting mrs ling] see the light and buck up. yes, last one. okay maybe occasional lunchs or dinners to destress. but yea.. work hard for three months and melissa will be free! like a bird! haha. no.
after O's im going to work!
earn money to go see muse in UK remember? =]
what an ambition.
seems easy. "it's juat 3 months!" but u dono how tiring it is to sit at the dining table the whole day... bio bio bio hist hist hist.. this this that that. no one knows la. sit until u feel sick. till ur butt hurts and u have to stand on the chair to keep urself awake. it's no fun. u sit there. get fat. no time for gym. . . no time for this that. sigh.
pray dear Lord that YOu will bring me and my dear CLassmates thru this..
BAH~ cheezy.
i have one special friend. i guess i didnt take time to understand her. never knew how much she suffers. and how lucky i am. all i can do is to pray for my dear friend that she will take care of her health and be able to cope with her studies. i love you.
wow, thass a lot.
left;
21:51
21:51
Sunday, August 20, 2006 23:03
i cannot find my pencil case! and the blue booklet!
must find or else weiqian will be angry with me tomorrow! hahah
nah. she wunt! she'll love me like crazy.
nah. she lovess her H.O.T
her TheBest has arrived!
she'ss get it tomorrow.
hopefoolly i'll remember to bring it lah. =]
left;
23:03
23:03
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 22:13
Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
nobody goes. but i just wanna say to my friends, 'iloveyaall.'
left;
22:13
22:13
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 01:01
fireworks. . .
never so upclose before.
seen twice tho, last year was stupid. with band ppL, cannot see anything at all. -_-
p5, i din pay attention to such stuff. hahar.
now you realise theyre really really pretty.
~im coughing now. really.. not phlegm or wad. think its the smoke.. seriously its very hurting to see them smoke la.. what can i do. '-'.~
anyways. i left early! if not tmr cannot stay. hahahar.
so damn cowded. i closed my eyes and just followed .the crowd. hai.. reached home. but sat at the playgroung. time was round 1030..
listen to muse. heehee.
i really want ot see fireworks..
i love stars.!!!.
stars and fireworks. =)
makes me go soft in the kneez...
ok. i thinkthis time i will change side. know what i mean? if u dono or now then u know. then u veh stupid lor. simple. haha~
heres what ive been thinkng.okok.
i tell u all my plans
after Os. im gonna sit downstairs. walk aorund downstairs.. anywhere la. till morn . the whole nite la!
then in the morn.. take a walk to school .. see damaians scurrying.. and think back heeheehee.
then then. ya basically look around. observe whass around u properly, without stress.
i want ot find that place in my dreams. that city street at nite. such a special place noe.? very. . . dono la [i will remember tt dream.. i don awlays remember dreams one.]
then then. im going to work! really. i want to work. yar.
then i dono! im going to be happy!
then my wish. .
my dream is to study in the UK. haha
heres my big nonsence dream. to go poly. do bio stuff. then go U. but i don wan singapore u. i wan overseas. in this case UK. cos singapore u must have attatchment at singapore hospital. go overseas come back then no need. i choose!! heh
got this leraine ah. she tell me her couisin go uk study medcine ah. 280 000 bucks lor.
siao.
so all i can do is dream.
happy dreaming lor, meL...
but i want UK!!!
i wan to study there! fall in love there! hahah..
and see MUSE there!!!!!
yay.
choi la. but maybe i study doctors stuff hor. then matt bellamy old liao then i see him on the streets then he heart attack. then I WILL SAVE HIM!!!!
haha na
h~
nah
nah
CHOUI AHH!!!
ok.. so long. feeloing stupid right now.
byebye!
'-'
i love SAMANTHA
FIONA!!!!!
=]and JOIK!!!
and NATASHa. and gab and lerp and iylia.. aiya lazy to do it colorfool la.
and kim sham carm [haha] and everyone.
nite!
never so upclose before.
seen twice tho, last year was stupid. with band ppL, cannot see anything at all. -_-
p5, i din pay attention to such stuff. hahar.
now you realise theyre really really pretty.
~im coughing now. really.. not phlegm or wad. think its the smoke.. seriously its very hurting to see them smoke la.. what can i do. '-'.~
anyways. i left early! if not tmr cannot stay. hahahar.
so damn cowded. i closed my eyes and just followed .the crowd. hai.. reached home. but sat at the playgroung. time was round 1030..
listen to muse. heehee.
i really want ot see fireworks..
i love stars.!!!.
stars and fireworks. =)
makes me go soft in the kneez...
ok. i thinkthis time i will change side. know what i mean? if u dono or now then u know. then u veh stupid lor. simple. haha~
heres what ive been thinkng.okok.
i tell u all my plans
after Os. im gonna sit downstairs. walk aorund downstairs.. anywhere la. till morn . the whole nite la!
then in the morn.. take a walk to school .. see damaians scurrying.. and think back heeheehee.
then then. ya basically look around. observe whass around u properly, without stress.
i want ot find that place in my dreams. that city street at nite. such a special place noe.? very. . . dono la [i will remember tt dream.. i don awlays remember dreams one.]
then then. im going to work! really. i want to work. yar.
then i dono! im going to be happy!
then my wish. .
my dream is to study in the UK. haha
heres my big nonsence dream. to go poly. do bio stuff. then go U. but i don wan singapore u. i wan overseas. in this case UK. cos singapore u must have attatchment at singapore hospital. go overseas come back then no need. i choose!! heh
got this leraine ah. she tell me her couisin go uk study medcine ah. 280 000 bucks lor.
siao.
so all i can do is dream.
happy dreaming lor, meL...
but i want UK!!!
i wan to study there! fall in love there! hahah..
and see MUSE there!!!!!
yay.
choi la. but maybe i study doctors stuff hor. then matt bellamy old liao then i see him on the streets then he heart attack. then I WILL SAVE HIM!!!!
haha na
h~
nah
nah
CHOUI AHH!!!
ok.. so long. feeloing stupid right now.
byebye!
'-'
i love SAMANTHA
FIONA!!!!!
=]and JOIK!!!
and NATASHa. and gab and lerp and iylia.. aiya lazy to do it colorfool la.
and kim sham carm [haha] and everyone.
nite!
left;
01:01
01:01
Sunday, August 06, 2006 12:57
i am under a lamppost on a bench
playgroung has hopscotch redtubeslide swings and qiaoqiaoban
all the blocks you can see. lights go out one by one. they are going to rest for the day.
0147. cool nightbreeze. two bats. song- sing for absolution.
should start doing this. calms u down.
fug. got shadow. oh. just the guard.
"resident here miss?"
~duh??~
"yea, sir. block 19"
mom sms. . . don stay too late. hungry ghost month.
aiyoh. you don tell me i also dono lar.
just want some peace! sms here, there. i cant be bothered to reply.
song-falling away with you
~who. . . ?
=]
left;
12:57
12:57
Saturday, August 05, 2006 20:53
whass the point of this?!!
that's me in the corner says:
but dont link tt one
that's me in the corner says:
no pt
that's me in the corner says:
hahaha
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
okok
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
i no where to tag so i tag at my one=]
that's me in the corner says:
which?
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
blogspoy
that's me in the corner says:
both my blogs no tagboard, only leave comment
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
but ur tt pic no me]=
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
ok
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
its ok
that's me in the corner says:
coz u not there
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
sniff
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
yea
that's me in the corner says:
u went home mah
that's me in the corner says:
but i think u didnt go oso good
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
can i be a gem too
that's me in the corner says:
coz we went home late tt day
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
why?!
that's me in the corner says:
nat didnt even go sch the next day
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
oh
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
ya
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
can i be ur gem too'?
that's me in the corner says:
u already are wat
that's me in the corner says:
it doesnt refer to just that pic
that's me in the corner says:
its just that i happen to have that pic
that's me in the corner says:
my LJ one has pic with u
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
i love u!
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
really?
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
of cos!
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
i just went there!
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
siao... "really?"
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
haha
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
sorry sory
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
ive bveen he holew day today
that's me in the corner says:
are u talking to yourself?
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
cranky already
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
kinda
that's me in the corner says:
...
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
. . .
that's me in the corner says:
ive been home the whole day too
that's me in the corner says:
i dun see myself being cranky
x ) i give you .... KONG !!!!! says:
mmhmm
left;
20:53
20:53
im doing all the wrong things wrong time
doing anything except studying. haha sigh. . .
die die die.
anyways.
after Os. im gonna WORK!
work work work. pay them back!!
fuckin pay them back!
i want a Manson. dream on
hahahaha.
heard tt kimmy held nat's hand to cross the road!!!
hahah.
just cos we say he look like korean doesn't mean tt he's in a korean drama!
wahahaha.
quite lame la.
everything! everybody.. EVERYTHING is funnily silly.
stuff overhere overthere. stuff with huda. stuff u can observe.
well, just enjoy the chase.
i can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe i just misunderstood. . .
** anyone watched this?
i saw it twice. drake bell mah.. haha..
thought makes my stomach flip. don say already!!
<--'
good night
left;
19:43
19:43
Friday, August 04, 2006 14:51
AHHH.. august.
havenotposted in awhile
because i din have an archive and a nwe post would mean one old post gone.
now i do tho.
thnaks esther!
past few days..
met new friends..carmen .[not tt new].kim, sham[newer]
. seriously in love with muse
haha. struff tt i used to just love, now i love dearly.
haha. like the song fallingawaywithyou
like mattbellamy like muse
like stars like sleeping [wth] [shall stop using wtf]
like friends. like friends. like friends.
ok byebye.
heres another eyecandy =]
aiyoh hahha. fiona just smsed me some details.. asking me to forward to nat..
yea i forwarded..
got a reply. from fiona. :TELL NAT LA! WHY YOU FORWARD TO ME? HAHAHA!
shes so irritated with me.. hai
left;
14:51
14:51